(For more on the importance of invalidating you read Invalidation and Narcissism: Why they slowly erase you). To their way of thinking, if they establish this for themselves, they also nullify the threat you pose to their false selves.
#When im away from you im happier how to#
The only way the pathological narcissist knows how to regain their inner equilibrium and get back to feeling safe in their make-believe world, is to re-establish control and power over you.Īnd this they will do in a frenzied, manic, their ‘life depends on it kinda way’.Ĭontrol and power for the narcissist invariably involves proving you wrong. So, what happens when the narc knows you’ve figured them out? Power and control This would be anything that communicates to them that they are not in control, for example, discovering you have raised your concerns about them with someone else not complying with their directives and doing your own thing calling them out on their disordered behaviour in an exposing way, etc.
This fracturing of their control over you, deeply challenges their self-concept.
#When im away from you im happier full#
They are unaware that despite their relentless efforts to gaslight you into full submission, you have retained some of your autonomy, clarity of thought, self-belief, ability to question the reality they create for you, and will to be happy.In other words, feeding their addiction is at risk. You are still useful to them as supply, and they therefore haven’t as yet, planned to discard you.The tipping point of vulnerability for the narc, is generally a culmination of circumstances occurring when:
The construct of the disorder is such that conscious awareness of feeling threatened is infrequent. This is evidenced in all the blaming you cop for their actions & behaviours, the projection, the denying irrefutable facts etc. It is (almost) inconceivable to them that they could be flawed. Most of the time, their denial is (almost) bullet proof and successfully shields them from their awful truth. It’s therefore no surprise that faced with being unable to score their hit, your supply, the very darkest aspects of the narc take over. It is centred on the belief that without satisfying ‘supply’ needs, survival is jeopardised. The narc’s addiction is the dependence on this external reinforcement that their false self-beliefs are based in fact, in order to keep knowledge of their true selves, at bay.Īs with any addiction, withdrawal has significant repercussions for the afflicted. This need is such that they are effectively addicted to securing corroboration that supports these beliefs, hence the term ‘supply’. People to the narc, are tools that serve a distinct purpose which is to feed their beliefs about the fantasy land they have created where they rein as supreme, omnipotent, special, and perfect beings. Where your relationships are based on connection and genuine care for those you choose to surround yourself with, this is not so for the Narcissistic Personality Disordered (NPD) person. Let’s set the scene and attempt to sketch this out with respect to what happens when they are sprung. Understanding what fuels the pathological narcissist is the closest a non-disordered individual can get to following the irrational thought processes that drive their behaviour. In preparing to set yourself free, this article sets out for you likely responses from the narc. Specifically how each one reacts when they know you’ve figured them out therefore varies.
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